Kiwi
by LIMBO Dib
Summary: Gir shows Zim one of the little joys of life...and Zim discovers something new about his relationship with everyone's favorite dysfunctional SIR robot.  ZimxGir.


Before the Irken invader known as Zim entered it, the laboratory was dark. However, as soon as his left foot touched the floor of the dark room, it roared to life. The lights immediately came on, engulfing the room in a surreal, otherworldly form of illumination.

Zim seemed to be in quite the annoyed mood. He stormed up to the computer and began typing in the six different passwords he had to enter in order to start it up. This was all for protection - if anyone else found out about his secret plans, everything would be ruined.

"At least it's a Saturday," Zim muttered, typing in the third password, "At least I don't have to go to Skool today." However, this thought didn't seem to cheer him up much. He accidentally hit the wrong key on the third password, requiring him to begin again with the first.

Zim hissed through his clenched, zipper-like teeth. "Why won't this stupid computer ever listen to what I tell it to do?" He typed the password in one-handed while continuously banging his other hand on the edge of the keyboard for stress relief. His Irken antennae twitched with frustration.

After several attempts that all ended in failure, Zim finally typed in the sixth password correctly and got the computer up and running. His ruby-red eyes darted over toward the large, glass tubes that were lined up against the opposite wall. Each one of them was filled with a purple fluid of some sort.

One of these tubes also held a cat. To be precise, it was a tabby cat, frozen in the glass tube with an expression of shock and horror frozen onto its face. Zim got up and stomped over to the tube, glaring at it as though he was about to break it. The cat watched silently.

"You're mine now, you filthy Earth creature," Zim snarled, "I'm going to study your habits, your motions...everything you do...until I finally come to a conclusion about you. What is this strange language you speak? Tell me now!" The cat was immobile within the fluid and didn't respond.

"Not talking, huh?" Zim asked darkly, "Fine." He pressed a button near the bottom of the tube, sending a shock wave throughout the cat's furry body. The cat tried to yowl, but its mouth refused to move. Zim smirked a bit, teeth glinting in the semi-darkness.

"How do you like _that, _Earth creature?" Zim cried, "What do you think of _that? _That's the sort of thing we Irken invaders can do! I am INVINCIBLE!" He tilted his head back and cackled maniacally. The cat watched, wondering what sort of twisted mind lurked within the head of the thing in front of it.

Zim's cackling didn't stop until about forty-five seconds had passed. When he finally stopped, he paused for a few moments to catch his breath before rising up again and facing the cat. A spark of malevolence was burning in his eyes, and the cat made a desperate wish for freedom.

Luckily for the cat, the wish came true. "Let's see exactly what you can do," Zim told the cat, pressing a few buttons on the bottom of the glass chamber. The purple fluid was drained from the tube, and as it withdrew into the ceiling, the cat collapsed onto the laboratory floor.

Now free, the cat took a few moments to survey the thing standing in front of it. Zim was short, but was tall compared to the cat. There was an eerie glow on his light green skin from the illumination the rest of the room gave off, and his ruby-red eyes were focused directly on the feline he had just freed.

"...Well?" Zim asked impatiently, "The almighty Zim can't wait all day." The cat blinked in amazement, realizing that its captor had just set it free, and darted away. It rushed past Zim, knowing exactly where the exit was and wanting, more than anything, to reach it.

However, Zim was prepared for this. He drew an Irken weapon of some sort from the glowing device on his back and pulled the trigger. A flaming bullet went flying, headed straight for the cat. The cat noticed this and began to panic. It mewed helplessly and ran as fast as it possibly could.

Just then, a dysfunctional SIR robot exited the elevator and entered the lab. "Master!" he called excitedly, "Master! Mas...Ooh! Kitty!" His eyes glowed with an unknown power as lasers shot out of them and vaporized the bullet in midair. The cat mewed happily and rushed toward its rescuer.

"Hi, kitty!" the SIR robot began, scratching the cat behind its ears, "You're such a cute kitty!" The cat began to purr lovingly, very grateful for its rescue from the flaming bullet. The little robot let out a squeal as the cat rubbed up against him gently, mewing with a sweetness all its own.

The SIR robot looked up just as Zim stormed up to him, looking more furious than ever. "GIR!" the Irken invader screamed, looking as though he was on the verge of exploding, "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" The cat's fur stood up on end as it sprang into the elevator in fright.

"Kitty!..." Gir cried, reaching out a hand as he watched the cat escape from the darkness of the laboratory, "Kitty..." Gir's bright blue eyes were full of sadness as he turned to face Zim again. Zim gritted his teeth and glared at the dysfunctional robot that stood in front of him.

"GIR!" Zim shouted, making Gir jump back in fear, "What did I tell you about DISTURBING MY EXPERIMENTS? Look what you've done! Our test subject has ESCAPED, Gir! Can't you do ANYTHING right?" Gir shrank back, tears brimming in his large eyes as he saw the angry look in his master's red ones.

"I'm...sorry, Master," Gir murmured sadly, "I'm so sorry...is there anything...anything I can do to...to cheer you up...?" Zim sighed exasperatedly and smacked his forehead. He knew Gir was just trying to be helpful, but he also knew that Gir was dysfunctional and couldn't help him at all.

"No," Zim muttered furiously, "Just...let me work. Leave me alone, Gir." He stormed off, and Gir watched him go, wishing that he could help his master somehow. However, Zim didn't seem to want his help...or even his companionship. There seemed to be nothing left for him to do.

Gir sat in the corner of the room in a slight fetal position, shivering occasionally due to how cold it was around him. Zim returned to his computer. He had been away from it for over one minute, so the passwords had reset. Zim groaned, not wanting to type them in again, but being forced to if he wanted to get back to work.

Tears ran down Gir's metal cheeks as Zim's fingers flew across the keys. Within about thirty seconds, all six passwords had been entered without any errors, returning him to his work of recapturing the cat. His antennae twitched as he began to affix the spy bugs he had constructed directly on the cat.

"You can run, but you can't hide," Zim snarled, grinning in a sickening way, "You're mind, and I'll find you." Gir inhaled deeply, trying to stop himself from crying. Eventually, he managed to calm down, but he still felt horribly sad about disappointing his master yet again.

_I've never heard Master sound this angry before, _Gir thought, _He was so mad at me...I'm sorry, Master. I don't mean to mess things up. I don't mean to ruin your plans, Master, but...I can't stop myself. I think there's something wrong with me, Master...I think there's something wrong with my head..._

Gir took a shaky breath as he watched Zim reprogram the spy bugs. Tears were beginning to form in his blue eyes again, and he couldn't hold them back. He bowed his head in sadness and leaned up against the wall, wishing he didn't always mess with Zim's plans.

Suddenly, Gir felt something move around within his head. He wondered if there was an extra cupcake in his head, but then remembered what he had put into his head just a little while earlier. _I guess there's no point in leaving this in my head anymore. Maybe it will cheer me up somewhat._

Gir reached into his head and searched for just a moment. Finally, his hand closed around a small, spherical object. He pulled it out of his head, along with a tiny utensil that was wrapped in thin plastic. Gir tore the plastic apart, taking out the utensil and twirling it around in his hand for a little while.

Zim, on the other hand, wasn't letting himself get distracted. He was working rapidly, trying to get his spy bugs to fire tranquilizer darts at the cat, but the spy bugs weren't responding. Even when the cat was only a few feet away, the spy bugs would give Zim an error message.

"Stop!" Zim commanded the spy bugs, "Only fire at that stupid Earth creature, not the wall!" Zim banged his fists on the keyboard in rage, wishing he could get the misbehaving spy bugs to work. However, they didn't seem to be responding to any of his commands.

"Gir!" Zim began without looking up from the computer screen, "Prepare to reprogram the..." His voice trailed off as his antennae were confronted with a rather strange noise. It sounded vaguely like...slurping. Maybe it was more of a squishing noise. Was that the sound of someone...eating something?

Zim whirled around and was in for a bit of a shock. Gir was still sitting in the corner of the lab, but he didn't look sad anymore. At first, Zim didn't know why, but then he realized that the strange noise he was still hearing was coming from Gir. Was he eating something that could make that sort of noise?

That was when Zim noticed what Gir was holding. It was a small, brown, and fuzzy object, about the size of a hen's egg. It was cut open, revealing bright green insides and a spattering of black seeds. Gir was also holding a strange, green utensil that Zim had never seen before.

"What are you doing?" Zim asked in a softer voice than the one he had used to scream at Gir earlier, "Are you...eating something, Gir?" Gir looked up, noticing Zim, and nodded cheerfully. As Zim approached, Gir steadily got to his feet, and Zim got to see a better view of the utensil the SIR robot was holding.

The piece of plastic was very small, although it looked average-sized in Gir's miniscule hands. It appeared to be useful on both sides - one side was shaped like a knife, the other shaped like a spoon. Gir dug the utensil into the fuzzy object, spoon end first, and withdrew a spoonful of green.

"What are you eating?" Zim asked, wondering what sort of object could be small, fuzzy, brown, and be completely green on the inside. The utensil was also capturing his attention - why on Irk would someone combine a spoon and a fork in that manner? It seemed so peculiar to the invader.

"It's a fruit, Master," Gir explained, sounding cheerful, "It's called kiwi." Zim tilted his head slightly in confusion. He had never heard that word before, and he hadn't seen that fruit before. He couldn't help but wonder what this "kiwi" tasted like, and what that odd utensil was used for.

"What are you doing with..." Zim muttered, "that...thing?" He pointed to the piece of plastic in Gir's hand. Gir smiled pleasantly and sat down again. Zim sat down next to him, watching as he dug the spoon side into the kiwi yet again, returning with another spoonful of green flesh and black seeds.

"I'm eating kiwi with a spoon," Gir told Zim, "It's a lot of fun. I have another kiwi with me, Master...do you want to try?" Zim couldn't help but smile just a bit as he thought about Gir's kindness toward him. For a dysfunctional SIR robot, at least he was good-natured and friendly.

"Sure," Zim replied, sounding a little anxious. His gaze flitted over to his computer once, but when Gir started rummaging around in his head to find the second kiwi, Zim couldn't look away from him. There was something about that tiny robot that made him impossible to look away.

"I found the kiwi, Master," Gir stated, holding out a small brown fruit that highly resembled his own and something wrapped in plastic, "Here you go." Zim took both items, unsure about what to do. For once, he had the fleeting thought that Gir was smarter than him. He thought the day would never come.

Zim spent a few moments silently watching Gir eat his kiwi. However, he wasn't sure how to mimic the SIR robot's movements without doing something clumsy or embarrassing. After about one minute, the only thing he had done was unwrap the spoon-knife utensil from its plastic cocoon.

"...Hey, Gir?" Zim began shyly, "Um, how do you..." Gir plunged the spoon side of his utensil into his kiwi and took Zim's hand in his, effectively cutting him off. Zim's eyes widened as he felt Gir's metal hand close over his, although he didn't know why. His face felt slightly hot, and he had the feeling it was a bit red.

"First, turn the 'spoonknife' this way," Gir explained, gently turning Zim's hand over and pointing the knife side of the utensil at the kiwi. "Now, you have to make a slow sawing motion with the knife side and cut the kiwi." He steadily moved Zim's hand, beginning the incision on the brown fruit.

"Like this?" Zim asked, continuously sawing at the kiwi until he had cut it completely. He hadn't cut it into precise halves - what he had cut off was smaller than the other piece of the fruit - but it didn't seem to matter. As a matter of fact, it actually seemed to be better than perfect halves.

"That's right," Gir replied cheerfully, still holding Zim's hand, "Now you have to flip the spoonknife around again." He turned Zim's hand over again, switching the green utensil to the spoon side. "Okay, now just dig the spoon side into the kiwi," Gir instructed calmly, "Just like I did."

"Um...okay," Zim responded nervously, blushing without realizing it, "I'll try." He cautiously dug the spoon side of the utensil into the kiwi, antennae twitching slightly as the spoon pierced the kiwi's green flesh. Gir giggled happily as he watched Zim make the spoon side dive right into the little fruit.

"Perfect!" Gir cried optimistically, "All you have to do now is dig a bit out and enjoy." Zim lifted the spoon side, still feeling Gir's metal hand in his, and withdrew a chunk of the kiwi's juicy interior. Deciding that it probably wouldn't hurt him too much, Zim gave into curiosity and ate this piece of the kiwi.

Invader Zim was immediately hit with a blast of a taste he had never had before. It was completely new to him, and it was remarkably tart...and sweet at the same time. This was what it was like to eat a kiwi, and it tasted wonderful. He sighed blissfully and dug the spoon side into the kiwi once again.

"That tasted wonderful," Zim remarked serenely, "I...I've never tasted anything like this, Gir. Thank you..." Gir laughed softly and squeezed Zim's hand. Zim actually felt himself blush this time, although he didn't know why. He had never blushed before either, so he was experiencing all sorts of new things that morning.

"You're welcome, Master," Gir replied happily, "Besides, I owe you for all those times I messed up your plans." Zim paused for a moment to think about this. True, Gir had really messed things up sometimes and had really been a major nuisance, but this peculiar feeling he had now was definitely worth it.

"Shh," Zim whispered almost-inaudibly, "That doesn't matter anymore." Although it seemed physically impossible at the time, Gir was now blushing as well. Impulse took over, and he found himself hugging his master just a brief moment later. Zim blushed harder, not expecting Gir to hug him.

"...Thanks, Master," Gir murmured lovingly. Zim smiled and wrapped one arm around Gir's shoulders. Neither of them had expected any of this to happen - it had hit them all too suddenly - but they weren't about to stop now. Things had most certainly changed...for the better.

Zim's computer started beeping with the urgent warning that the cat had found the spy bugs and was now using them as playthings. However, Zim didn't hear the alert. Even if he had, he wouldn't have done anything about it - he was too busy eating kiwi with his greatest friend in the entire universe.


End file.
